Move toward love, not away from fear

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about motivation—why we do what we do—and it boils down to two things: love and its opposite, fear.

Fear is reactive; love is creative. Fear comes from a place of lack; love issues from abundance. Fear is exhausting; love is energizing. And perhaps most important, fear is concerned with survival; love is about being alive.

So here’s my encouragement: move toward love, not away from fear.

Notice moment by moment what’s driving your thoughts and behavior. Is it love or fear? Things may look exactly the same on the outside, but the energy, the experience, will be completely different.

Say, for instance, I want to get in shape and I make a resolution to walk for an hour three times a week. Sounds good, right? But why do I want to do this?

Is it so I’ll have the energy to accomplish the things that excite me and make the world a better place? Is it out of respect for the marvelous being that I am? Is it a joyful expression of my strength and power?

Or is it because I’m unsatisfied with who I am? Do I think getting in shape will make me more worthy somehow? Will I transform myself into someone more acceptable than I am right now?

How do you tell whether you’re doing things from love or from fear? One way is to see whether you’re trying to control yourself. If you’re trying to control yourself, you’re operating from fear.

From an early age we’re trained to be afraid of who we are.

I don’t believe babies compare themselves to other babies or have thoughts like “I should be crawling by now. What’s wrong with me?” or “Am I asking too much? I don’t want to be a bother.” or “God, I’m fat! I hate my body.” They just seem to have an endless unselfconscious fascination with the world around them.

As we develop, we are socialized by the giving or withholding of approval and when we are small and dependent, acceptance means survival. Pretty soon, we’ve internalized our trainers and we have an onboard guidance system that asks, “Who do I have to be so that you will love me?”

I have spent much of my life living from the belief that I am not enough. It hasn’t made me a better person. In fact, I would say there isn’t any such thing as a “better person.” Instead, it has been a tremendous obstacle toward experiencing the strength, the truth, the beauty of who I am. How about you?

Starting today, just observe with clarity and compassion what’s motivating you, moment by moment. Don’t resist what you see and don’t try to change it yet. Accept that this is part of being human, part of being you. No need to be afraid of being afraid.


Copyright 2010 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved

Wishes vs. Intentions

This morning, I read in a blog entry that the writer “intended” that her child be able to participate in an event that was already closed to new entries and that the child have a good day. It brought me up short. Here's why:

To me, an intention is a decision to take action, not an expression of what I want. For instance, I can’t intend to win a race—I can wish to win and intend to run faster than everybody else.

Why is this important? Because my wishes—or my vision or dreams, if you like—are about outcomes that will happen in the future. They are vital to give me direction and fuel for the journey. My intentions, on the other hand, are my commitment to live in this moment in ways that bring my wishes into reality.

For example, I want the experience of financial security and to be free from fear of lack. That feeling is my wish. I have a vision of living in a certain kind of house in a certain neighborhood; driving a certain car; having a certain amount of income, savings and investments; having the money to enjoy travel and vacations and helping others.

How can I experience that right now, in my life today? My intention is to notice and be thankful for who I am and what I have, to focus on what I can give before what I need, and to reach out to more people through my writing and social media to let them know how they can access their own power and truth.

When I do these things, I feel wealthy and grateful and generous right now while I wait for my circumstances to shape themselves into the realization of my vision. My experience doesn’t depend on my circumstances; it depends on my intentions and the actions that follow.

What are your wishes, your dreams? What are your intentions? What can you do today to be fulfilled?

All the best,

Gene

Copyright 2010 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved

Creativity Feeds the Day

Around the first of this year I started writing fiction about two characters who have been in my head for some time now. At first, I would sit down every now and then and empty the ideas that had occurred to me onto the page. Then, a month ago I began writing for 30 minutes every day right after breakfast. As of this morning, I have written 58 pages.

This has transformed my life. Really!

I start the day having fun doing something that puts me in the flow and I can feed off that energy for the rest of the day. Not only am I excited and inspired, but the imaginative, inventive part of my brain stays turned on for use in addressing everyday problems.

The activity is its own reward. I’m playing, not working, not focused on an outcome or meeting some standards of what is good. That keeps it easy and fun.

I have found it’s essential to do this BEFORE I check e-mail or read anything written by someone else or listen to the news on the radio. That way, I have allowed space in my mind for my own original thoughts instead of filling it up with someone else’s.

So, what is something you could do first thing that would connect you and nourish and inspire you? “Creativity” doesn’t have to be limited to fine arts. I suggested to one of my sisters, who loves gardening, that she consider working in her flower beds before getting ready to go to work. It could be anything you find meditative or expressive.

If you choose to try this, I would love to hear about what you experience and what you learn. Please comment here. (Click the "# Comments" link below.)

Although I have deliberately this activity playful, I realized a few days ago that I have the beginnings of a novel here. I’ll let you know when it’s ready for you to read.

Stay creative!

Gene

Copyright 2010 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved

Focus on Essentials

“Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.”
— Stephen Covey

Does this sound familiar? There is something you say you want to do that’s going to make your life better, but you never seem to get started at it. You find yourself saying, “I’m going to __________ [your resolution] as soon as I get all of this __________ [other stuff] out of the way.” Since the supply of “other stuff” is endless, your resolution gathers dust in some corner of your spirit. The more time passes the less you want to look at it because doing so makes you feel like a loser.

Or maybe you are making progress on the exercise routine, the work project, the financial plan, your resolution to be more present in your relationships, a healthier diet—the things you know are going to enhance your ability to live the life you want—and then WHAM!, you’ve lost the path and are into the weeds and you don’t even know how you got there.

That happened to me recently. I had started work on the website for my coaching practice, Life Turned On, after having put it off for months. For a few days I was excited about designing the pages, writing the copy, and finding images to use. I was in the “flow”—that happy place where I feel connected to my truth and wildly creative, vibrantly alive.

And then … I lost my way and the project languished, nagging at me while I fell further and further behind on everything—work, contact with friends, self-care, housekeeping. I had gone from surfing this enormous wave to struggling in the undertow, exhausted and frightened of drowning.

Good news! When I stopped to reflect, I was able to see a number of things I had thought I should do that are not congruent with who I really am. I dropped them and resumed work on what gives me energy. I discovered a new way to publicize my groups and got that up and running. I finished the essay you’re reading. The website will be online this coming week. I’m back on the wave.

How can we stay aligned with our best lives, our “North Stars,” more of the time? Here is a place to start. See how it might work for you.

1) Stop

This is crucial. When you find you’ve lost your way, stop what you’re doing. Just stop. Even—especially—if you’re feeling a sense of urgency to keep going. Running faster in the wrong direction isn’t going to get you where you want to go. Step away from what you have been doing and go somewhere where you can be quiet and let things settle.

2) Embrace yourself

OK, this might sound corny, but so what? You’re a human being, having a human experience. I’ve never been successful at beating myself into becoming a better person. I doubt you have either. Take a step back and look at the person who is trying so hard. Hold her or him in your heart and say, “I am with you.”

3) Make a list of what’s really important

Quickly write down four or five things you value. Keep the list short and don’t spend a lot of time mulling this over. This is a work in progress you can always edit later. Right now, it’s time to get oriented and start moving again.

What do you love? What feeds your spirit? What are you good at? What does the world need more of?

Here is what I came up with: connection with the people I love, meaningful work, creativity, health, and spiritual practice.

Consider reserving one or several days sometime soon for a personal retreat to review your life and goals and create a more comprehensive plan. As a friend of mine says, “Be sure to put yourself on the schedule.”

4) Focus on essentials

Make a list of what you think you need to do right now, then cross off everything that doesn’t come under the heading of the essentials above. Let go of behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, possessions, commitments, and relationships that don’t move you in the direction of a life you want to wake up to every day.

Simple, yes. Easy to do, no. Worthwhile, absolutely! Don't be deterred if you hear a voice telling you it's too much. Start small and work from there, but start NOW. As golf legend Ben Hogan is quoted as saying, "Every day I don't practice is one more day it will take to get better."

Today, once again my life feels like a tremendous gift. May the same be true for you.

My best to you,
Gene

Practice opportunity: Wild Life
Saturday, February 21 • 1:00–3:00 PM

Ready to go further? We’ll explore more methods to Focus on Essentials, including concentrating on fundamentals, prioritizing your day, rituals to get and stay oriented, and eliminating distractions. We’ll have a lively discussion about how we can practice staying focused on what’s really important and, hopefully, even find some things to laugh about. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.

Cost: $20 for the mini-workshop and discussion

To sign up at Meetup.com: click here (There is no cost or commitment to join the group on Meetup.com.)

For directions to the meeting place: click here