When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
— from “When Death Comes” by Mary Oliver
It seems like a lot of us are worrying lately. Worrying about money. Worrying about health. Worrying sometimes about whether our lives are headed in the right direction and whether there is time (once again) to change course and accomplish anything. Sound familiar?
I find that when I focus on what I think I need and don’t have, life seems small, constricted. I feel a kind of panic in my body as if I’m fighting for air. To me, greed isn’t so much a sin as an affliction; it keeps me isolated and miserable.
Fortunately, there’s a reliable cure: generosity—to myself and the world. Instead of focusing on what I lack and scrambling desperately to get it (“Oh, please, hire me, feed me, love me …”), I wake up each morning and think, “What am I going to create today? What am I going to give the world?” And life becomes more spacious. I feel peaceful and calm and powerful—and excited. And that’s a gift to me.
Maybe you thought I was going to say that gratitude is the cure. It is if it takes form in action. Recognizing and appreciating who we are (our genius, our beauty) and what we have (the people, relationships and resources available to us) are a good start, but only that. To be “married to amazement,” “to take the world into our arms” requires honoring what we have been given by using those things to make a difference in the world.
Today I want to cultivate a healthy body, an animated spirit, a clear mind, and a generous heart. I want to dwell in my highest self: Alert and powerful. Amazing. Connected. Confident. Sexy. Dangerous. Delightful. Insightful. Smart. Talented. Spirited. Reverent. Irreverent. Courageous. Compassionate. Creative. Funny. Alive!
I want to contribute to a world that’s kinder and more peaceful and more generous. I want to help others in whatever way I can to find their own truths and power and happiness. I want to experience the joy that comes with giving freely of my talents, my “gifts.”
What about you? What do you want to create today? Share a comment here and tell me about it. I’d really love to know.
My best to you,
Gene
Gene Smith
Life & Wellness Coach
Life Turned On™
lifeturnedon@gmail.com
Wild Life personal growth practice group
meets Saturday, May 16 • 1:00–3:00 PM
in downtown Asheville, NC
For details, visit our Meetup.com page.
(You don't have to join the group to attend the meeting.)
Have tea with us and share a lively exploration of how we can create the lives we want to live!
Copyright 2009 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Creating abundance from the inside out
Our theme this month is “Living Abundance,” an inquiry into how our beliefs and behaviors shape our experiences of prosperity or deprivation. With the voices of fear shouting at us from every side lately, this seems like a timely (and timeless) subject to explore. I’m very excited about all the ways we can approach this. Here is one for starters:
Instead of asking you what you desire, I want to ask something I think is more fundamental and more vital: What are you creating?
Imagine this: You’re in your house, watching angry floodwaters rise relentlessly toward you. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What will you do?
Now imagine this: The water’s still rising, only now you’re standing in a line of people at the end of your street, filling and stacking sandbags to build a levee. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What will you do?
How are the two experiences different? Why are they different? In both scenarios it’s still raining. Please add a comment. I would love to hear about what you see in this.
Bob and I have an adventure
Last month I had a day when I was feeling pretty depressed. I was exhausted and achy with migraine symptoms. Work was slow and I was worried about how I was going to pay the bills. Despair and shame were creeping up on me.
In the late afternoon I decided to go for a short walk. Turning the corner, I saw my neighbor, Bob, and I almost turned around before he could see me. Having an encounter seemed like adding weight to the load I was carrying.
Bob is in his 70s, hobbles due to painful bursitis in his hips, and often seems a bit foggy. He knows he knows me, but admits he’s often not sure how. He frequently asks me the same question several times in the course of a conversation. I like Bob, but, frankly, I sometimes try to sneak by him when I’m not in the mood to talk.
This time, he glanced up and saw me. Caught! His face lit up with childlike delight. You would have thought I was Santa and the Easter Bunny combined. “Oh, what the hell,” I thought.
When I reached him, Bob asked if he could hold onto my arm and walk with me a little bit. I said, “That’s fine,” and we shuffled along together. I had to concentrate to walk slow enough to keep his pace. As he will, Bob asked me where I was from several times over the course of as many minutes and kept apologizing for delaying me.
Here’s the funny thing: it wasn’t an imposition to help Bob. I liked the feeling of his trust in me. How my steadiness helped facilitate his walk down the street. How my genuine interest in him was reflected back in appreciation and affection. I usually don’t like to be touched by people I don’t know well, but I liked the feeling of his hand on my arm. Most of all, I liked the feeling of our being in this together.
Bob turned back about a block from his house and I continued on after he assurred me he was fine getting back on his own. He left me feeling stronger, more confident, and more willing to return home and tackle my own challenges. It was almost as if he had said, “Gene looks like he’s having a hard time. I think I’ll go lean on him so he can remember who he really is.” Thanks, Bob!
When I give myself to the world, I am reminded of all that I have. My special qualities are "gifts" to me and to everyone I share them with.
I believe we are all artists. Every day we wake up and shape our world.
What will you create today?
Wild Life monthly practice group
Saturday, April 18 • 1:00–3:00 PM
Asheville, NC
Living Abundance
How do you create a sense of energy, connection and possibility in an unstable world?
How can you redirect habitual thoughts of "lack and attack" that seek to limit you?
How can you create a life you are excited to wake up to every day?
In this month's mini-workshop we will explore simple, practical techniques for keeping our balance and increasing the likelihood of both enjoying what we have and getting more of what we want out of life.
Specific topics will include:
Please go to www.meetup.com/WildLife for more details. There is no cost to join the group.
E-mail me if you have any questions. I look forward to seeing you.
Be good to yourself!
Gene
Gene Smith
Life & Wellness Coach
Life Turned On™
Create an amazing life!
lifeturnedon@gmail.com
Instead of asking you what you desire, I want to ask something I think is more fundamental and more vital: What are you creating?
Imagine this: You’re in your house, watching angry floodwaters rise relentlessly toward you. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What will you do?
Now imagine this: The water’s still rising, only now you’re standing in a line of people at the end of your street, filling and stacking sandbags to build a levee. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What will you do?
How are the two experiences different? Why are they different? In both scenarios it’s still raining. Please add a comment. I would love to hear about what you see in this.
Bob and I have an adventure
Last month I had a day when I was feeling pretty depressed. I was exhausted and achy with migraine symptoms. Work was slow and I was worried about how I was going to pay the bills. Despair and shame were creeping up on me.
In the late afternoon I decided to go for a short walk. Turning the corner, I saw my neighbor, Bob, and I almost turned around before he could see me. Having an encounter seemed like adding weight to the load I was carrying.
Bob is in his 70s, hobbles due to painful bursitis in his hips, and often seems a bit foggy. He knows he knows me, but admits he’s often not sure how. He frequently asks me the same question several times in the course of a conversation. I like Bob, but, frankly, I sometimes try to sneak by him when I’m not in the mood to talk.
This time, he glanced up and saw me. Caught! His face lit up with childlike delight. You would have thought I was Santa and the Easter Bunny combined. “Oh, what the hell,” I thought.
When I reached him, Bob asked if he could hold onto my arm and walk with me a little bit. I said, “That’s fine,” and we shuffled along together. I had to concentrate to walk slow enough to keep his pace. As he will, Bob asked me where I was from several times over the course of as many minutes and kept apologizing for delaying me.
Here’s the funny thing: it wasn’t an imposition to help Bob. I liked the feeling of his trust in me. How my steadiness helped facilitate his walk down the street. How my genuine interest in him was reflected back in appreciation and affection. I usually don’t like to be touched by people I don’t know well, but I liked the feeling of his hand on my arm. Most of all, I liked the feeling of our being in this together.
Bob turned back about a block from his house and I continued on after he assurred me he was fine getting back on his own. He left me feeling stronger, more confident, and more willing to return home and tackle my own challenges. It was almost as if he had said, “Gene looks like he’s having a hard time. I think I’ll go lean on him so he can remember who he really is.” Thanks, Bob!
When I give myself to the world, I am reminded of all that I have. My special qualities are "gifts" to me and to everyone I share them with.
I believe we are all artists. Every day we wake up and shape our world.
What will you create today?
Wild Life monthly practice group
Saturday, April 18 • 1:00–3:00 PM
Asheville, NC
Living Abundance
How do you create a sense of energy, connection and possibility in an unstable world?
How can you redirect habitual thoughts of "lack and attack" that seek to limit you?
How can you create a life you are excited to wake up to every day?
In this month's mini-workshop we will explore simple, practical techniques for keeping our balance and increasing the likelihood of both enjoying what we have and getting more of what we want out of life.
Specific topics will include:
- getting clear about the feelings that are the "goal behind the goal" of what you desire
- using the energy of fear in the service of constructive action
- focusing your awareness to keep you moving toward your goals
- cultivating generosity, gratitude, and purpose
Please go to www.meetup.com/WildLife for more details. There is no cost to join the group.
E-mail me if you have any questions. I look forward to seeing you.
Be good to yourself!
Gene
Gene Smith
Life & Wellness Coach
Life Turned On™
Create an amazing life!
lifeturnedon@gmail.com
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Focus on Essentials
“Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.”
— Stephen Covey
Does this sound familiar? There is something you say you want to do that’s going to make your life better, but you never seem to get started at it. You find yourself saying, “I’m going to __________ [your resolution] as soon as I get all of this __________ [other stuff] out of the way.” Since the supply of “other stuff” is endless, your resolution gathers dust in some corner of your spirit. The more time passes the less you want to look at it because doing so makes you feel like a loser.
Or maybe you are making progress on the exercise routine, the work project, the financial plan, your resolution to be more present in your relationships, a healthier diet—the things you know are going to enhance your ability to live the life you want—and then WHAM!, you’ve lost the path and are into the weeds and you don’t even know how you got there.
That happened to me recently. I had started work on the website for my coaching practice, Life Turned On, after having put it off for months. For a few days I was excited about designing the pages, writing the copy, and finding images to use. I was in the “flow”—that happy place where I feel connected to my truth and wildly creative, vibrantly alive.
And then … I lost my way and the project languished, nagging at me while I fell further and further behind on everything—work, contact with friends, self-care, housekeeping. I had gone from surfing this enormous wave to struggling in the undertow, exhausted and frightened of drowning.
Good news! When I stopped to reflect, I was able to see a number of things I had thought I should do that are not congruent with who I really am. I dropped them and resumed work on what gives me energy. I discovered a new way to publicize my groups and got that up and running. I finished the essay you’re reading. The website will be online this coming week. I’m back on the wave.
How can we stay aligned with our best lives, our “North Stars,” more of the time? Here is a place to start. See how it might work for you.
1) Stop
This is crucial. When you find you’ve lost your way, stop what you’re doing. Just stop. Even—especially—if you’re feeling a sense of urgency to keep going. Running faster in the wrong direction isn’t going to get you where you want to go. Step away from what you have been doing and go somewhere where you can be quiet and let things settle.
2) Embrace yourself
OK, this might sound corny, but so what? You’re a human being, having a human experience. I’ve never been successful at beating myself into becoming a better person. I doubt you have either. Take a step back and look at the person who is trying so hard. Hold her or him in your heart and say, “I am with you.”
3) Make a list of what’s really important
Quickly write down four or five things you value. Keep the list short and don’t spend a lot of time mulling this over. This is a work in progress you can always edit later. Right now, it’s time to get oriented and start moving again.
What do you love? What feeds your spirit? What are you good at? What does the world need more of?
Here is what I came up with: connection with the people I love, meaningful work, creativity, health, and spiritual practice.
Consider reserving one or several days sometime soon for a personal retreat to review your life and goals and create a more comprehensive plan. As a friend of mine says, “Be sure to put yourself on the schedule.”
4) Focus on essentials
Make a list of what you think you need to do right now, then cross off everything that doesn’t come under the heading of the essentials above. Let go of behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, possessions, commitments, and relationships that don’t move you in the direction of a life you want to wake up to every day.
Simple, yes. Easy to do, no. Worthwhile, absolutely! Don't be deterred if you hear a voice telling you it's too much. Start small and work from there, but start NOW. As golf legend Ben Hogan is quoted as saying, "Every day I don't practice is one more day it will take to get better."
Today, once again my life feels like a tremendous gift. May the same be true for you.
My best to you,
Gene
Practice opportunity: Wild Life
Saturday, February 21 • 1:00–3:00 PM
Ready to go further? We’ll explore more methods to Focus on Essentials, including concentrating on fundamentals, prioritizing your day, rituals to get and stay oriented, and eliminating distractions. We’ll have a lively discussion about how we can practice staying focused on what’s really important and, hopefully, even find some things to laugh about. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.
Cost: $20 for the mini-workshop and discussion
To sign up at Meetup.com: click here (There is no cost or commitment to join the group on Meetup.com.)
For directions to the meeting place: click here
— Stephen Covey
Does this sound familiar? There is something you say you want to do that’s going to make your life better, but you never seem to get started at it. You find yourself saying, “I’m going to __________ [your resolution] as soon as I get all of this __________ [other stuff] out of the way.” Since the supply of “other stuff” is endless, your resolution gathers dust in some corner of your spirit. The more time passes the less you want to look at it because doing so makes you feel like a loser.
Or maybe you are making progress on the exercise routine, the work project, the financial plan, your resolution to be more present in your relationships, a healthier diet—the things you know are going to enhance your ability to live the life you want—and then WHAM!, you’ve lost the path and are into the weeds and you don’t even know how you got there.
That happened to me recently. I had started work on the website for my coaching practice, Life Turned On, after having put it off for months. For a few days I was excited about designing the pages, writing the copy, and finding images to use. I was in the “flow”—that happy place where I feel connected to my truth and wildly creative, vibrantly alive.
And then … I lost my way and the project languished, nagging at me while I fell further and further behind on everything—work, contact with friends, self-care, housekeeping. I had gone from surfing this enormous wave to struggling in the undertow, exhausted and frightened of drowning.
Good news! When I stopped to reflect, I was able to see a number of things I had thought I should do that are not congruent with who I really am. I dropped them and resumed work on what gives me energy. I discovered a new way to publicize my groups and got that up and running. I finished the essay you’re reading. The website will be online this coming week. I’m back on the wave.
How can we stay aligned with our best lives, our “North Stars,” more of the time? Here is a place to start. See how it might work for you.
1) Stop
This is crucial. When you find you’ve lost your way, stop what you’re doing. Just stop. Even—especially—if you’re feeling a sense of urgency to keep going. Running faster in the wrong direction isn’t going to get you where you want to go. Step away from what you have been doing and go somewhere where you can be quiet and let things settle.
2) Embrace yourself
OK, this might sound corny, but so what? You’re a human being, having a human experience. I’ve never been successful at beating myself into becoming a better person. I doubt you have either. Take a step back and look at the person who is trying so hard. Hold her or him in your heart and say, “I am with you.”
3) Make a list of what’s really important
Quickly write down four or five things you value. Keep the list short and don’t spend a lot of time mulling this over. This is a work in progress you can always edit later. Right now, it’s time to get oriented and start moving again.
What do you love? What feeds your spirit? What are you good at? What does the world need more of?
Here is what I came up with: connection with the people I love, meaningful work, creativity, health, and spiritual practice.
Consider reserving one or several days sometime soon for a personal retreat to review your life and goals and create a more comprehensive plan. As a friend of mine says, “Be sure to put yourself on the schedule.”
4) Focus on essentials
Make a list of what you think you need to do right now, then cross off everything that doesn’t come under the heading of the essentials above. Let go of behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, possessions, commitments, and relationships that don’t move you in the direction of a life you want to wake up to every day.
Simple, yes. Easy to do, no. Worthwhile, absolutely! Don't be deterred if you hear a voice telling you it's too much. Start small and work from there, but start NOW. As golf legend Ben Hogan is quoted as saying, "Every day I don't practice is one more day it will take to get better."
Today, once again my life feels like a tremendous gift. May the same be true for you.
My best to you,
Gene
Practice opportunity: Wild Life
Saturday, February 21 • 1:00–3:00 PM
Ready to go further? We’ll explore more methods to Focus on Essentials, including concentrating on fundamentals, prioritizing your day, rituals to get and stay oriented, and eliminating distractions. We’ll have a lively discussion about how we can practice staying focused on what’s really important and, hopefully, even find some things to laugh about. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.
Cost: $20 for the mini-workshop and discussion
To sign up at Meetup.com: click here (There is no cost or commitment to join the group on Meetup.com.)
For directions to the meeting place: click here
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Making Space
Hi.
I’ve been exploring space the past few weeks and it has been wonderful. Not the “outer space” astronauts travel through, not the “final frontier” of Star Trek fame, but an inner receptacle of expansiveness, abundance and possibility, of quiet optimism and contentment. It’s a welcoming place where I create the life I want from the life I have. Care to join me? Ready to create some space of your own?
There are things—possessions, feelings, behaviors, relationships, positions—we say we want more of. And yet our “containers”—our time, energy and attention, our houses, our bodies, minds and spirits—are already filled up with other “stuff.” Where is the room to put that thing we long for?
The first step, I think, is to let something go before trying to add anything new, even if the two seem unrelated. For a long time I have wanted to exercise more regularly. When I do, I feel better and am happier and more productive. I kept trying to squeeze exercise into my life, which only worked for a little while and aggravated my sense of there not being enough time, energy or willpower to be the person I know I can be.
One thing I did recently was to stop compulsively checking my e-mail many times a day. Now I budget up to 30 minutes twice a day to see what’s there and reply as needed. My stress level has gone down with the backlog in my inbox. I feel more focused and on top of things; I’m managing my time better and experiencing inner prosperity. One result: I am taking a walk and/or getting on the yoga mat almost every day, further increasing my sense of well being and accomplishment.
Here are some others:
I let go of: feeling tense and impatient while waiting in line or at a traffic light,
making room for: noticing the other people also waiting; the play of shadow, light, shapes and colors; trees dancing in the wind, etc.,
with the result that I: feel calmer and more connected.
I let go of: listening to the news while having breakfast,
making room for: inner stillness and an opportunity to notice how I’m feeling,
with the result that I: have a greater sense of clarity and gratitude for the blessings of this life.
I let go of: the stack of old magazines and library books waiting to be read,
making room for: an opportunity to focus on what is most important,
with the result that I: am less distracted, have less energy drain from unfinished business, and inhabit a more productive, healthier house and workspace.
I let go of: folding laundry, working at the computer, washing dishes, etc., when I’m on the phone,
making room for: not having my attention fragmented,
with the result that I: am more relaxed and fully present to the people I care about.
You get the picture. What do you want more of? Peace? Love? Joy? Energy? Health? Money? Satisfaction? What are you holding on to instead? Are you willing to settle for that?
Practice invitation:
Maybe space is not empty. Maybe it’s a field of unlimited potential waiting for you to step into it and create the life you yearn for. Identify the second-rate or no longer useful behaviors, emotions, attitudes, beliefs, objects and relationships that are cluttering up your life—no matter how seemingly insignificant or benign—and discard them. See what wonders arrive to take their places. Don’t waste another moment of your precious life.
I would love to hear about your “space adventures.” Drop me a line or join us on Saturday, September 19, for our next practice group session (details below).
Wild Life
Life Turned On™ monthly practice group
Saturday, September 19, 2009 • 1:00–3:00 PM
12 Von Ruck Court, downtown Asheville
Click here for directions.
There is no charge to join the group. We do ask for a voluntary contribution when you attend a meeting to help cover our costs.
Wishing you the best,
Gene
Gene Smith
Life & Wellness Coach
Life Turned On™
828.231.7688
lifeturnedon@gmail.com
I’ve been exploring space the past few weeks and it has been wonderful. Not the “outer space” astronauts travel through, not the “final frontier” of Star Trek fame, but an inner receptacle of expansiveness, abundance and possibility, of quiet optimism and contentment. It’s a welcoming place where I create the life I want from the life I have. Care to join me? Ready to create some space of your own?
There are things—possessions, feelings, behaviors, relationships, positions—we say we want more of. And yet our “containers”—our time, energy and attention, our houses, our bodies, minds and spirits—are already filled up with other “stuff.” Where is the room to put that thing we long for?
The first step, I think, is to let something go before trying to add anything new, even if the two seem unrelated. For a long time I have wanted to exercise more regularly. When I do, I feel better and am happier and more productive. I kept trying to squeeze exercise into my life, which only worked for a little while and aggravated my sense of there not being enough time, energy or willpower to be the person I know I can be.
One thing I did recently was to stop compulsively checking my e-mail many times a day. Now I budget up to 30 minutes twice a day to see what’s there and reply as needed. My stress level has gone down with the backlog in my inbox. I feel more focused and on top of things; I’m managing my time better and experiencing inner prosperity. One result: I am taking a walk and/or getting on the yoga mat almost every day, further increasing my sense of well being and accomplishment.
Here are some others:
I let go of: feeling tense and impatient while waiting in line or at a traffic light,
making room for: noticing the other people also waiting; the play of shadow, light, shapes and colors; trees dancing in the wind, etc.,
with the result that I: feel calmer and more connected.
I let go of: listening to the news while having breakfast,
making room for: inner stillness and an opportunity to notice how I’m feeling,
with the result that I: have a greater sense of clarity and gratitude for the blessings of this life.
I let go of: the stack of old magazines and library books waiting to be read,
making room for: an opportunity to focus on what is most important,
with the result that I: am less distracted, have less energy drain from unfinished business, and inhabit a more productive, healthier house and workspace.
I let go of: folding laundry, working at the computer, washing dishes, etc., when I’m on the phone,
making room for: not having my attention fragmented,
with the result that I: am more relaxed and fully present to the people I care about.
You get the picture. What do you want more of? Peace? Love? Joy? Energy? Health? Money? Satisfaction? What are you holding on to instead? Are you willing to settle for that?
Practice invitation:
Maybe space is not empty. Maybe it’s a field of unlimited potential waiting for you to step into it and create the life you yearn for. Identify the second-rate or no longer useful behaviors, emotions, attitudes, beliefs, objects and relationships that are cluttering up your life—no matter how seemingly insignificant or benign—and discard them. See what wonders arrive to take their places. Don’t waste another moment of your precious life.
I would love to hear about your “space adventures.” Drop me a line or join us on Saturday, September 19, for our next practice group session (details below).
Wild Life
Life Turned On™ monthly practice group
Saturday, September 19, 2009 • 1:00–3:00 PM
12 Von Ruck Court, downtown Asheville
Click here for directions.
There is no charge to join the group. We do ask for a voluntary contribution when you attend a meeting to help cover our costs.
Wishing you the best,
Gene
Gene Smith
Life & Wellness Coach
Life Turned On™
828.231.7688
lifeturnedon@gmail.com
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Emotional Energy: Mobilizing for Change
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin
The chapter on emotional energy in Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz’s book, The Power of Full Engagement (The Free Press, 2003), is subtitled “Transforming Threat Into Challenge.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
Remember our discussion last month about facing fear? If not, it's in the July postings here on the Life Turned On™ blog. Fear provides information that something needs our attention. It’s like those lights and gauges on the dashboard of your car.
When I’m facing difficulties sometimes I begin to feel overwhelmed and stall out, finding ways to ignore, deny, or procrastinate about what the fear is telling me rather than experience the discomfort and move forward. Then it’s like I have unplugged the sensors connected to the gauges or put a piece of tape over the lights so I won’t see them. “Out of sight, out of mind,” right?
Meanwhile, the cluttered closet, the unresolved relationship conflict, the persistent ache in the belly, the worry about finances, the nagging feeling that life is more than just survival are consuming life energy that could be used to address them. Like an overdue bill, the interest continues to mount as the principal goes unpaid.
I will neglect things that need attention and repair (including/especially my own body!) rather than face the fear that I’m inadequate to deal with them. Am I really incapable of solving these problems? The evidence is no. I have taken on many challenges and worked through them. Maybe not always gracefully, maybe with hindsight thinking I could have done it better—but I’m still here, my spirit today is stronger than it has ever been, and my life has become a fascinating—and sometimes scary—adventure.
When I was a therapist, clients would sometimes ask me if I could guarantee that if they faced the fears that limited them and did the hard work of changing lifetime habits would they get the outcomes they wanted? And I had to say, “No, I can’t promise if you take this on and face your pain that you’re going to have everything you want. What I can promise is that if you don’t try, the odds of things changing are about zero. And I can guarantee you’re going to have a different experience starting right now if you accept the challenge and ride out to meet the dragon than you will if you hide in your cave and wait for it come get you.”
Even if it kicks your butt, go show the dragon what you’re made of. It’s not your enemy, it’s your training partner.
Practice exercise: moving from anxiety to action
What have you been putting off dealing with? What are some steps, however small, you could take this week to come to grips with it? Be specific about what you’re going to do, write in your calendar when you’re going to do it, and tell a supportive friend or family member beforehand what you intend to do and afterwards report on how it went.
We’re looking for progress here, not perfection. Recognize and reward your efforts to change. Don’t believe the voices of blame and shame. Simply by facing the dragon you have become a hero.
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
The chapter on emotional energy in Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz’s book, The Power of Full Engagement (The Free Press, 2003), is subtitled “Transforming Threat Into Challenge.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
Remember our discussion last month about facing fear? If not, it's in the July postings here on the Life Turned On™ blog. Fear provides information that something needs our attention. It’s like those lights and gauges on the dashboard of your car.
When I’m facing difficulties sometimes I begin to feel overwhelmed and stall out, finding ways to ignore, deny, or procrastinate about what the fear is telling me rather than experience the discomfort and move forward. Then it’s like I have unplugged the sensors connected to the gauges or put a piece of tape over the lights so I won’t see them. “Out of sight, out of mind,” right?
Meanwhile, the cluttered closet, the unresolved relationship conflict, the persistent ache in the belly, the worry about finances, the nagging feeling that life is more than just survival are consuming life energy that could be used to address them. Like an overdue bill, the interest continues to mount as the principal goes unpaid.
I will neglect things that need attention and repair (including/especially my own body!) rather than face the fear that I’m inadequate to deal with them. Am I really incapable of solving these problems? The evidence is no. I have taken on many challenges and worked through them. Maybe not always gracefully, maybe with hindsight thinking I could have done it better—but I’m still here, my spirit today is stronger than it has ever been, and my life has become a fascinating—and sometimes scary—adventure.
When I was a therapist, clients would sometimes ask me if I could guarantee that if they faced the fears that limited them and did the hard work of changing lifetime habits would they get the outcomes they wanted? And I had to say, “No, I can’t promise if you take this on and face your pain that you’re going to have everything you want. What I can promise is that if you don’t try, the odds of things changing are about zero. And I can guarantee you’re going to have a different experience starting right now if you accept the challenge and ride out to meet the dragon than you will if you hide in your cave and wait for it come get you.”
Even if it kicks your butt, go show the dragon what you’re made of. It’s not your enemy, it’s your training partner.
Practice exercise: moving from anxiety to action
What have you been putting off dealing with? What are some steps, however small, you could take this week to come to grips with it? Be specific about what you’re going to do, write in your calendar when you’re going to do it, and tell a supportive friend or family member beforehand what you intend to do and afterwards report on how it went.
We’re looking for progress here, not perfection. Recognize and reward your efforts to change. Don’t believe the voices of blame and shame. Simply by facing the dragon you have become a hero.
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Mental Energy: Attention & Intention
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity? — from Tal Ben-Shahar's Six Tips for Happiness, as presented on NPR
“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anais Nin
When I have a migraine, it usually means I'm going to cycle between hot baths and lying in bed, doing my best to stay quiet until it passes, often in about 24 hours. My energy is drained, I'm in pain, and I can't concentrate. Bright lights, strong odors, and loud sounds can seem intolerable. It's not much fun and it takes days to rebuild my stamina after it’s over.
On Thursday, I found myself slipping into an habitual pattern of thinking that it was my fault that I had a headache and that I'm broken, weak and hopeless. That added a huge weight of suffering on top of the pain I was already experiencing. In addition, I was anxious about all the things that weren’t getting done and feeling overwhelmed at all I was going to need to do to catch up when I felt better (including writing this post). Whew!
Lucky for me, I have a lot of practice paying attention to what's going on in my head and heart. After getting thrashed around for a while in the whirlpool of negativity, I regain my perspective and then my power. It helps that I'm blessed to have friends who are skilled at providing a reality check when I need one.
And so after a little while I woke up to the effects of the negative thoughts I was having and decided instead to acknowledge what a good job I was doing taking care of myself in very trying circumstances. I also recognized that by making my immediate needs a priority I was speeding my recovery so I could get back to work sooner. Even though I still felt bad physically, emotionally I was much more at peace. It felt like I had gone from being in the presence of someone who was selfish and spiteful to one who was loving and supportive, from being assaulted by my critic to being cheered on by my coach.
Over the following days I have made rest, mild, exercise and eating well a priority. When I have stopped to take inventory, I have seen that I actually am getting a fair amount accomplished, even though my "do list" is stretching into next week. Though I'm still tired, my confidence and optimism have returned. I'm thinking about possibilities instead of feeling burdened. While talking to a friend recently, she remarked that I was a different person from the one she spoke with at the end of last week. Choosing the most skillful way to interpret my experience made all the difference. It's good to be back.
Practice exercise:
What is your explanatory style? That is, when you explain to yourself the events, situations and experiences in your life, do you tend to:
1) take them personally (“It’s my fault that happened.”)
2) see them as permanent (“I always lose my keys.”)
3) believe they are pervasive, i.e., see the situation as affecting every area of your life (“I can’t do anything right.”)
Pay attention to how your thoughts are shaping your experiences (which make up your life!). Are there equally valid and more empowering, more energizing explanations for what is going on?
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anais Nin
When I have a migraine, it usually means I'm going to cycle between hot baths and lying in bed, doing my best to stay quiet until it passes, often in about 24 hours. My energy is drained, I'm in pain, and I can't concentrate. Bright lights, strong odors, and loud sounds can seem intolerable. It's not much fun and it takes days to rebuild my stamina after it’s over.
On Thursday, I found myself slipping into an habitual pattern of thinking that it was my fault that I had a headache and that I'm broken, weak and hopeless. That added a huge weight of suffering on top of the pain I was already experiencing. In addition, I was anxious about all the things that weren’t getting done and feeling overwhelmed at all I was going to need to do to catch up when I felt better (including writing this post). Whew!
Lucky for me, I have a lot of practice paying attention to what's going on in my head and heart. After getting thrashed around for a while in the whirlpool of negativity, I regain my perspective and then my power. It helps that I'm blessed to have friends who are skilled at providing a reality check when I need one.
And so after a little while I woke up to the effects of the negative thoughts I was having and decided instead to acknowledge what a good job I was doing taking care of myself in very trying circumstances. I also recognized that by making my immediate needs a priority I was speeding my recovery so I could get back to work sooner. Even though I still felt bad physically, emotionally I was much more at peace. It felt like I had gone from being in the presence of someone who was selfish and spiteful to one who was loving and supportive, from being assaulted by my critic to being cheered on by my coach.
Over the following days I have made rest, mild, exercise and eating well a priority. When I have stopped to take inventory, I have seen that I actually am getting a fair amount accomplished, even though my "do list" is stretching into next week. Though I'm still tired, my confidence and optimism have returned. I'm thinking about possibilities instead of feeling burdened. While talking to a friend recently, she remarked that I was a different person from the one she spoke with at the end of last week. Choosing the most skillful way to interpret my experience made all the difference. It's good to be back.
Practice exercise:
What is your explanatory style? That is, when you explain to yourself the events, situations and experiences in your life, do you tend to:
1) take them personally (“It’s my fault that happened.”)
2) see them as permanent (“I always lose my keys.”)
3) believe they are pervasive, i.e., see the situation as affecting every area of your life (“I can’t do anything right.”)
Pay attention to how your thoughts are shaping your experiences (which make up your life!). Are there equally valid and more empowering, more energizing explanations for what is going on?
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Physical Energy: Foundation of Fulfillment
This week, we're exploring the physical aspects of energy and how to manage it in the service of what matters most. Join us for the Sunday workshops in Asheville and Hendersonville, NC, if you can. It promises to be a lively discussion!
We all know the reciprocal relationship between our physical condition and our mental and emotional states. When we’re tired or sick, we tend to be more irritable, more reactive, less patient—more negative. It’s harder to sustain concentration, think creatively, be fully present to what’s going on inside us and around us—we’re less productive. I have come to recognize that the state of my physical energy is reflected in every aspect of my life, including the quality of my relationships, how clean my house is, and even in how much money I have in the bank.
And yet, I often hear myself and others say we want to get more exercise, eat more nourishing food, get more rest, maybe make space for quiet reflection, but there just isn’t enough time. I’ll get to it when I finish this project, when the kids are grown and on their own, when I retire.… What if it’s not about having enough time, but about priorities? Are we running so fast to get somewhere—or we really running AWAY from something? Hmmm.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “Sleep is for the weak.” I think that kind of macho disdain for our physical selves is part of why so many are sleep-deprived in this country, with its attendant toll on our health and productivity. The same goes for poor diet, lack of exercise, and chronic stress. Why do we think it’s a virtue to see how little we can get by with?
I have come to recognize how I have treated even minor necessary maintenance like brushing my teeth with a degree of impatience and irritation. I have begun to notice how I delay responding to my body’s signals for rest, food, and even going to the bathroom with a slightly exasperated “Not now. I’ll get to you when I finish this.”
And when I get sick I feel betrayed. I don’t trust my body, in fact I’m probably afraid of it—yet it is my mind that is truly untrustworthy. Woody Allen said, “It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
I forget to be grateful that I have this body (and parts that need care and will eventually wear out). This body does wonderful things for me every day. Because of it I can communicate with the world, manipulate my environment, and use it as a vehicle to express the loving spirit that shines through me. My body grounds me in the present even as my mind swings from past to future. “Now is the moment of power,” in the words of the Huna tradition of Hawaii. What an amazing gift!
My mind is so used to bossing my body that I decided I would let them change places for a few days and see what happened. For instance, even though I felt a strong pull when I first got out of bed to check my voicemail and e-mail, instead I listened to my body and did what it asked—fed it or peed or did some stretching. Only after I had had breakfast and cleared the dishes away and was ready to give them my full attention did I make myself accessible to other tasks. If I started to lose concentration or felt tired in the afternoon, I took a nap or went for a walk, depending on what I thought I needed.
At first it was very uncomfortable. I felt tense and agitated when I didn’t give in to my mind’s sense of urgency to be engaged and/or distracted. And that sensation still comes up. More and more, though, I feel an enhanced sense of spaciousness, of possibility, of connection with myself and with the world around me. I’m more at peace, more “together,” more alive. What a marvelous way to be!
Practice exercise: Let the body lead
For the next week, listen to what your body is telling you moment to moment and then, as best you can, respond immediately to its needs. What happens when you do this? What happens when you don’t? What gets in the way?
If you’re willing, please add a comment to the blog about your experiences and insights.
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
We all know the reciprocal relationship between our physical condition and our mental and emotional states. When we’re tired or sick, we tend to be more irritable, more reactive, less patient—more negative. It’s harder to sustain concentration, think creatively, be fully present to what’s going on inside us and around us—we’re less productive. I have come to recognize that the state of my physical energy is reflected in every aspect of my life, including the quality of my relationships, how clean my house is, and even in how much money I have in the bank.
And yet, I often hear myself and others say we want to get more exercise, eat more nourishing food, get more rest, maybe make space for quiet reflection, but there just isn’t enough time. I’ll get to it when I finish this project, when the kids are grown and on their own, when I retire.… What if it’s not about having enough time, but about priorities? Are we running so fast to get somewhere—or we really running AWAY from something? Hmmm.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “Sleep is for the weak.” I think that kind of macho disdain for our physical selves is part of why so many are sleep-deprived in this country, with its attendant toll on our health and productivity. The same goes for poor diet, lack of exercise, and chronic stress. Why do we think it’s a virtue to see how little we can get by with?
I have come to recognize how I have treated even minor necessary maintenance like brushing my teeth with a degree of impatience and irritation. I have begun to notice how I delay responding to my body’s signals for rest, food, and even going to the bathroom with a slightly exasperated “Not now. I’ll get to you when I finish this.”
And when I get sick I feel betrayed. I don’t trust my body, in fact I’m probably afraid of it—yet it is my mind that is truly untrustworthy. Woody Allen said, “It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
I forget to be grateful that I have this body (and parts that need care and will eventually wear out). This body does wonderful things for me every day. Because of it I can communicate with the world, manipulate my environment, and use it as a vehicle to express the loving spirit that shines through me. My body grounds me in the present even as my mind swings from past to future. “Now is the moment of power,” in the words of the Huna tradition of Hawaii. What an amazing gift!
My mind is so used to bossing my body that I decided I would let them change places for a few days and see what happened. For instance, even though I felt a strong pull when I first got out of bed to check my voicemail and e-mail, instead I listened to my body and did what it asked—fed it or peed or did some stretching. Only after I had had breakfast and cleared the dishes away and was ready to give them my full attention did I make myself accessible to other tasks. If I started to lose concentration or felt tired in the afternoon, I took a nap or went for a walk, depending on what I thought I needed.
At first it was very uncomfortable. I felt tense and agitated when I didn’t give in to my mind’s sense of urgency to be engaged and/or distracted. And that sensation still comes up. More and more, though, I feel an enhanced sense of spaciousness, of possibility, of connection with myself and with the world around me. I’m more at peace, more “together,” more alive. What a marvelous way to be!
Practice exercise: Let the body lead
For the next week, listen to what your body is telling you moment to moment and then, as best you can, respond immediately to its needs. What happens when you do this? What happens when you don’t? What gets in the way?
If you’re willing, please add a comment to the blog about your experiences and insights.
Copyright 2008 Eugene Y. Smith, III. All rights reserved.
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